STRENGTH. INTELLIGENCE. RESILIENCE. What manifests when you see these words?
STRESS. EXHAUSTION. HIGH PRESSURE. Are you feeling some resistance?
Sit with that for a moment.
Why am I writing about emotions? We are on a quest for self-mastery. This comes together through the 5 mountains: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, and Intuitional.
Just as with anything else, this is a learned skill. Practice and repeat. Most people try to “push through” the stress that eventually leads to burnout. This common theme only sinks you further into a self-made hole of depletion. How do we avoid this behavior? How do we become resilient without thought?
These practical and sustainable tips will help you reach self-mastery within your own emotional intelligence. This is NOT a fixed state. Our experiences will shape, mold and further develop our thoughts and actions. We draw from our personal experiences and (try) not to repeat our mistakes.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your own and others emotions as well as use this emotional information to guide your thinking and behavior. Emotional intelligence is also noted by:
-Having Self awareness
-Understanding the source
-Trusting Your Intuition
What are a few habits you can eliminate to avoid stress and burnout?
-Self destruction. Managing stress by overeating, drug abuse, alcohol, screaming.
-Reactive behavior. Action without thought or planning.
-Blaming others for your behavior.
-Avoid assumptions or conclusions. Don’t assume the worst.
What are a few habits that you can incorporate to build stronger emotional intelligence?
-BREATHE. Staying calm. Bring your tension and your heart rate down. This will enable you to be more mindful and open to solving problems with self-control.
-Recapitulate the situation. Slow down. Change your perspective. Reevaluate to see things with new eyes and understanding.
-Building management skills to channel anxiety into problem solving skills.
-Having empathy (the ability to understand and share the feelings of another).
-Sleep. Let me say that again, SLEEP.
-Radical forgiveness. Don’t hold onto negative emotions.
How do we keep building on our emotional intelligence?
-We are the source. We can only control our reactions. Be patient (with yourself and others) and practice forgiveness. Know your strengths and weaknesses and surround yourself with a tribe who you can trust and turn to. We are all in this together. We can change the world and we can’t do it alone!
-Fail forward: In the words of Jimmy Chin from the last UM Retreat “I seek out spectacular failures”. How do we know success without first having failed? We will never know our limits without failing forward. Get outside your comfort zone and create room for new practices.
-Make a list. Make it practical, achievable, and sustainable. What personal habits and behaviors do you have that do not build your emotional intelligence? To create open space for new ways of being, you have to work towards eliminating the habits and behaviors that do not serve your goal
-New ways of being. Once you’ve created space, start implementing new habits and behaviors that will eventually become your new routine and rituals. Creating your emotional intelligence will eventually take no thought at all
I clearly remember my father repeating the wise lyrics from Jefferson Airplanes song, Eskimo Blue Day: “Doesn’t mean shit to a tree”. It really is that simple. Quiet the monkey mind, be still and recognize that it just really doesn’t matter and isn’t worth getting worked up about.
Are you seeing a common theme yet? These tips and tools overlap to reach self-mastery in all your mountains.
What are some practices that have helped you develop your emotional intelligence? How do you continue to cultivate and grow these new habits and behaviors?